It's been a while...

In about 4 weeks I'll have my MSN and be ready to take certification exam for FNP.  I'm so excited & so nervous at the same time!!  This year has flown by...it seems like just yesterday I was starting my first semester!  There's still a lot to do before I'm completely at ease...like pass certifications & find a job!  Next week is our last week of class...just a few more papers to turn in & present our research.  I'm nervous about not finding a job...there doesn't seem to be many NP openings around here, but who knows maybe I'm just not looking in the right places.  I'm just praying the right job for me presents itself soon!!

I'm gonna be an aunt again very soon!  Well not biologically an aunt, but that doesn't really matter.  My best friend is expecting her baby any day now.  She's not due until August 7, but her doc doesn't expect her to go longer than August 1.  We'll find out then if I have a new nephew or niece...they chose to be surprised about the gender.  I'm SO SO SO excited!

Randomness is what I do best...

Hmm...so the world didn't end on Saturday as predicted.  Not that I actually thought it would.  I think it's crazy that a "Christian" so blatently disputed the Bible.  He was so adament that we COULD know the day & time, when the Bible clearly states that NO ONE can know the day or the hour, not even the Son or the angels in heaven. 

Most people are starting their summers this week.  Kids are getting out of school and everyone's preparing for their summer vacations, etc.  But not for me.  I've been out of school since the first week in May, and I'm preparing to get back to school!  I start my last semester of NP school on June 1.  And I'm sure I will be completely swamped with school until I finish on August 5.  I'm excited, nervous, and even a little bit stressed at the idea of this last semester.  I'm also getting a little stressed about finding a job.  I just really hope I can find one before August! 

I'm ready for a little excitement in my life, but I don't think that's going to happen anytime soon.  Mainly because of the topic mentioned above.  School makes life incredibly boring!  Well, that and not having any money, which is caused by the whole school thing... I'm ready for a guy in my life. So lame, I know...still kind of disappointed that things seem as if they aren't going anywhere with the guy my preceptor tried to set me up with.  Still haven't heard anything from him.  I broke down and sent him a message on Facebook the other day, on the advice of a friend.  All it said was, "Hey. How are you?" because I had no idea what to say...Lame, I know!  But he never replied so I can only assume he isn't interested.  I've debated deleting him from my facebook because I don't really have a reason to have him on there if I'm never going to talk to him.  I'm not much for having random people on my friend's list.  I know no one probably reads this, so I just use it as more of an outlet to express my feelings because I find it hard to do otherwise.  I feel incredibly desperate for wanting him to call/text/message so bad because I don't even know him...all I know is the stuff he posts on facebook.  I feel like since I've added him & sent that one message that if I do anything else it'll come across as desperate.  Adding him & sending the message, should indicate that I'm interested, right.  So, I shouldn't do anything else.  Just kinda wondering when something will work out for me...

My crazy life

Well as of yesterday, I finished my 2nd semester of NP school.  Which means I am now 2/3 of the way finished.  Actually closer than that...our last semester is only 8 weeks & begins on June 1.  I will finish on August 5th!  I am getting soo excited, but extremely nervous at the same time about finding a job & keeping my sanity through the summer.  School has been keeping me really busy & REALLY stressed!!  Hopefully this summer won't be quite so bad. 

But on to more important things...
Like 2 weeks ago, my preceptor from last semester called me and asked me if I remembered this patient that I saw at her clinic one time.   It was a guy around my age who they just thought would be perfect for me...so I remembered him.  Well, he was at the clinic & they were talking and he was asking if I was still there & stuff and they told him that they thought we'd make a good couple & he said he thought I was cute. Basically, my preceptor called to ask if she could give him my number & to give me his number & to tell me that he said he had a facebook and I could contact him there if I wanted to.  Well I told her she could give him my number.  So she did.  Well...he never called.  She even texted me like a week later & asked about it.  So, after talking to my best friend I decided to add him on facebook, so I did & he accepted  my request, but he still hasn't called.  I am determined that I am NOT going to call him first...but I really want him to call me.  It's not like I have a huge crush on him or anything, but it'd just be nice to see what happened, ya know? 

Well that's basically the interesting stuff going on in my life at the moment...any input?

God is good all the time; All the Time God is good

I have decided that I am the worst blogger ever!  I have no idea what I'm doing & half the time I forget to update it. But here I am struggling along.  Any advice fellow bloggers?

Tuesday, I signed up for my last semester of grad school!!  It seems surreal to me that I am already almost done with my second semester & will soon be starting my third & final semester!  And in a little over 4 months I will be done with grad school.  I had my plans for school...and it seems surreal that they fell into place exactly like I had planned...that's how I know that God is in control!  It's easy to let him have control of my school life.  After I first started my undergrad, I was struggling and not making time for Him in my life...it was tougher than ever.  Then, He spoke to me & told me to put Him first in all I did and trust Him & not try to do it all myself and everything else would be okay. And in school it's been easy to do that, to completely trusting in Him pulling me through each test, check-off, & assignment. 

But as far as relationships go, it's the hardest thing for me to let go & completely trust His will.  I say that I'm laying it down at His feet, but I pick it back up almost daily. I feel so alone sometimes.  I want that ONE to spend my life with, but I am afraid that I won't ever find him.  That's like saying that I don't trust God to lead me to him or him to me.  Like I don't trust His timing.  I know in my head that His timing is perfect & there's a reason he hasn't led me & my future-husband together yet & one day He will & I will completely understand why I had to wait.  But it's the time leading up to that point that is so hard for me.  I see people all around me getting married and going on to start families and I feel like I'm being left behind in a sense.  For example, my best friend has been married for 4 years and now she & her husband are expecting their first child in August.  I am SOO excited for them & so excited to be an "aunt", but it makes me long for that for myself.  In my personal little fantasy world, I always pictured myself married by now, but I'm no where close. I feel like God has told me that I'm supposed to finish school before I get married...but that hasn't stopped me from obsessing about it.  I just don't know what to do.  More of Him; Less of me...that's all I can do. 

Wow, I didn't know I had all that in me...sorry for going on & on like that.

Overwhelmed

I am starting to feel overwhelmed and I haven't even been to my first class of the semester.  I've been struggling to find my 3 preceptors for the semester.  I have to have one from Pediatrics, one from OB/GYN, and one from family.  The only easy one to find was Pediatrics.  After many, many days of phone calls and leaving messages and plain out pestering folks, I found a Family care preceptor. Now all that's left is to find OB/GYN.  I have made countless phone calls and most people just aren't taking students.  It really sucks.  I may have a lead though.  I will just feel so much better when I get it all situated. 

I'm also a little overwhelmed because one of my classes is Pharmacology and when I was in undergrad, it was my worst class.  It really stressed me out & I feel like I just barely passed.  I remember calling my mom like everyday stressing out & crying over that class (among others). 

When I start getting stressed like this, I wonder if I've actually gone insane by being back in school...but as always I come back to the fact that I've wanted to be a doctor/nurse practitioner for as long as I can remember and I'm just not satisfied being a nurse.  I think it's even more insane that I am already contemplating getting my DNP (Doctorate of Nursing Practice) a few years down the road.  As much as I hate school, I love the thought of knowing all I can know in my profession, and going as far as I can...Being on top of my game.  Or maybe I'm just a glutten for punishment...who knows. 

Lot of happenings.

On Monday, I finished my 1st semester of NP school! I am soo relieved to have that over with. I am 1/3 of the way closer to my degree. Now, I'm trying to enjoy my time off. But I'm staying pretty busy, but at least it isn't writing a paper or studying.

This morning I was woke up by a message from my best friend saying she had a positive home pregnancy test & she was going to the doctor at 8 to confirm it. At almost 9 am she sent me one saying she was definitely pregnant! I am so excited for her and her husband.

But on the other hand, it kinda gets me down. I am still single & no prospects of a boyfriend, and I want to get married & start a family so bad! I guess in a way you could say I'm envious of her & her life, but I really don't. I mean in so many ways I'm so extremely blessed. I have wonderful parents and great sisters, and the world's most awesome nephews & niece. But there's still something missing. I feel pathethic & desperate because I feel this way.

In my head I know that God has everything in control, but it's just hard because I can't see His plans, & I have no patience. I just don't know what to do.

I seem to have a problem "crushing" on every guy I meet just about...which is beyond pathetic. But I dunno...I obsess over things like that & I really wish I didn't.

While I was in clinical, a single guy came in & the girls that work at the clinic made the comment that we'd make a good couple and one of the girls was like I'll hook you up and stuff, well I finally told her she could play matchmaker. I went back the next week & she was like I never called him, but I will and got my number to give him. Well I am done with clinicals now and I still don't know if she ever tried to play matchmaker & instead of forgetting about it, I can't help but think about it...it's driving me crazy...I just wish I could forget that she ever said anything about playing matchmaker and then if he called it'd be a surprise & if he didn't it wouldn't bother me because I wouldn't even miss it. I mean, in this case, it wasn't like I like the guy, I don't really even know him...I mean he was cute enough, but really don't know him, it'd just be nice to get to know him...if that makes any sense. I know no one else will read this more than likely, but it's just nice to get it out there.

back to school

It's hard to believe that I've been out of school for 2 years already! Kinda even harder to believe is the fact that I go back tomorrow. I start advanced Pathophysiology in the morning. Wow! I'm excited, nervous, scared & strangely confient all at the same time. The confidence is ALL God...no way I'd be able to do it alone! I better get to bed now. Oh, by the way, healing nicely from the surgery...if only I'd hurry up & be completly healed...that's just taking too long!! :)